From the 💞 of just B

---

Life is truly a journey. The word journey suggests travel, moving from one place to another. Yes, life is just that. My current position is part of my journey. Me speaking to you is part of my journey. I arrived here because of my journey. And guess what? You are reading or listening to me as part of your journey. Our encounter is destiny.  

Journeys can consist of miles of flat land with occasional bumps in the road that lift you from your seat. There may be potholes or even a nail that invoke a temporary stop for maintenance. If you travel long enough, you will experience terrain inclinations. They are unnoticeable inclinations of the landscape that is sometimes unknown until it begins to plummet downward at which point your attention is jarred. Going downhill while anxiety climbs uphill. Journey. As each bump, turn and inclination is familiarized, a new terrain is introduced. The hills are exchanged for mountains spiraling hundreds of feet above ground, too high to jump. I can’t stop now. All tires blow, you are thrown from the vehicle. What do you do?

That’s my story in a very simplistic simulation. I got here due to a blowout. In 2015, I thought the blowout was an indication of life’s demise. You see, prior to the blowout, I was a leader in a Fortune 500 company, married with 3 children, living in a 2000+ sq ft home, driving a Denali XL with counterfeited happiness. Once joyous times became merely situational happy times. Some tough decisions were made, I held on to my children and the Denali XL. Life was negotiated. My mental strength was vague, I felt alone and distressed. I was traveling in a blind region of my journey. I went from what I thought was living to survival. I didn’t know my strength. 

Reflection is a powerful tool. One day after dropping my children off to school, a gentle voice suggested I turn into a driveway. One that I had never turned into before. The driveway steered to a recreation park. I parked the car, got out and began to walk. Reflection time. I was breathing. I was admiring the flowers, landscape, and trails through unfamiliar territories. Reflection time. My new norm was surprisingly a breath of fresh air. I didn’t miss the hustle and bustle of corporate, meetings, deadlines, budgets, training, and reporting. I preserved the most important factor of work life, priceless relationships with folks who literally watched me grow from a college student to adulthood.  Although my housing space shrunk tremendously, peace surpassed any square footage. A house is not a home without peace. A revelation that I wrote in my journal one particular day was, [Day54] "Sometimes you are fighting a giant that will cause you to meet your demise. If you just let go of the giant, it will tumble and fall. It’s only standing because you continue to hold it up". I didn’t know my strength. 

Life changed for the good. I enjoyed being a mom. I relished volunteering as a cheer mom, band mom, college mom, carpool mom, gymnastics mom, and wrestling mom.  Those were some eventful days. As time progressed and I continued to spend time at the recreation center each morning with my man JC, He let me know my life’s expedition was not over. As I spent time with JC, He helped me heal internally. As I attended church each week with a grieving congregation, we were healing together unbeknownst to them. The human pains of separation and anxiety got the best of me at times. Typically, when the giant recuperated and returned to fight, the fighter in me wanted to fight back. Reflection of Day 54 reminded me often, let go. I felt that I had to protect my integrity. On another day while driving, I was having a dreadful meltdown. JC steered me into a gas station parking lot and parked me in front of the dumpster. Reflection of journal entry [Day 109], "Dump it. Leave it here. I am Jehovah Jireh, your provider. Period. The End". From day 109 to this present day, I have not looked back.  That particular giant met its demise.  I didn’t know my strength. 

I learned how to forgive. The greatest, the absolute greatest, decision I ever made. Total Forgiveness is True Forgiveness. I finally realized my strength. I exist to encourage others to walk in their purpose. I affirm positive vibes, purposeful living, and presence. We all have a story, several stories. Our journey is full of experiences that will help someone else get through their experience. I am empathetic, I am sympathetic, I am understanding, I am.

Loving you with all of me. I am Just B.